No, I wasn't stunned by its literary genius. Rather, the whole concept of the book scared me to death. Here was this girl, who kept a spy diary that she thought was secret, and someone outed her on it causing everyone to hate her. First of all, it ruined the whole "keeping a diary" thing for me. I mean, I know the disturbing/criticizing thoughts that go through my own head. If someone found them out, I'd be dead girl walking. Also, the thought of the whole school turning against me was just too much to bear. Not only did it stop me from keeping my own diary, it stopped me from voicing my opinions for a long, long time after.
In my mind, nothing could be more terrifying than everyone hating you. There was no image more horrific than being ignored and not being spoken to, like what happened to Harriet. In my second-grade brain, this was the immediate repercussion of expressing your inner self: becoming an elementary school pariah. This same thought stayed with me through middle school and high school, and now in college it is only beginning to cease. The though of people still accepting me after I tell them what I am really thinking is absurd.
Which is why I started this blog. The horrors of Harriet the Spy still stick with me to this day. I have not fully recovered yet. I still have that fear of waking up one day and everyone hating me and ignoring me. But I'll see how my ideas get accepted in the cyber world, and then try it out in real-life.
I've begun to open up to people now that I'm in college. But my conversations are hardly ever about anything I care about. With my roommate, it's the standard "Hey" when one of us enter the room and "How was your day?" before bed. With my classmates, it's the redundant, "Ohmigod, there was homework?" I have real conversations with my parents, but it's not exactly the meaningful discussions and memorable times that I so crave with my peers.
I have now realized at this stage in my life that my fears of becoming Harriet the fictional pariah have become a deep fear of being a real life outsider. Hopefully, I'll never be outed on this blog. Even though I doubt anything I say will be too groundbreaking or scandalous. But still. Knowing too much about me may cause the hatred that Harriet experienced, and that's the last thing I want.
Anyway, enough of that introductory rambling. Before I go to bed, I want to tell of my disdain for last night's South Park episode. South Park is usually one of my all-time favorite shows. And I enjoyed last night's show except for the whole Anti-Clinton spiel. It wasn't even funny, and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. I liked the whole anti-racism aspect of the show, which was clearly a pro-Obama thing, but saying that there were "snukes up Clinton's snitch" was too much. Okay, so if they were making fun of Bush I could've cared less, but this is an already unfavored candidate that I really want to win. And God knows all the South Park fans and everyone south of the Mason Dixon line is going to come out on Election Day to vote against Hillary. It's sad and people should actually research Clinton before hating her. That is all for today in politics.
And I'm going to bed. I'll be writing in this thing constantly, I promise.
